Dream
Love, if I weep it will not matter,
And if you laugh I shall not care;
Foolish am I to think about it,
But it is good to feel you there.
Love, in my sleep I dreamed of waking,
White and awful the moonlight reached
Over the floor, and somewhere, somewhere
There was a shutter loose- it screeched!
Swung in the wind- and no wind blowing-
I was afraid and turned to you,
Put out my hand to you for comfort-
And you were gone! Cold as the dew
I woke up,
It was a dream,
You are not beside me.
Blank?
Trying to do my assignment which is due on Wed, but my head is in a blank, couldnt even write a word of it.
Surf thru the websites for the information but I just cant concentrate. Damm it. What am I going to hand in on Wednesday?
My mind is all about him now, damm it!!! Why cant I just concentrate and dont think of him, just like him like that happily going out with the cousin to enjoy without me in his brain!!! Argh!!! Hate it so much!!! He just dont take in what I says, this is just him!!! This is how much I mean to him right???
Miss him?
I miss him so much since the day he left. The moment he step into the departure gate, i start to miss him. Is he feeling the same? Dont think so, he must be out to dont know where with his cousin enjoying his last few days in Singapore.
A week already
Today is sat, and it been a week since he left for singapore. And about 5 days I didnt pick up his calls liao and I still having that damm headache.
Beginning to get use to life without him, copping bettter I guess altot I still feel so sad deep down inside me that he is treating me like rubbish. But i think as time goes by all these feeling will be just lock up inside me.
Law Quiz
Woke up this morning and start reading my law text straight away cos it was due today the stupid law quiz. Lucky I managed to get all correct :) Later going for my graduation seminar and meeting up with Prof Ting after that.
Sick
Just hate headache, just pop 2 pills down and hope it will get better. Gonna slp now :(
Even more worst
My headache is getting from bad to worst. I seriously feel like cutting off my head. The pain was so unbearable that my tears just rolled down by itself. Just made me think of that time while I was still working part time at NTU. He had to drive me back to see the doc when we were nearly reaching the building I was working at. That was the same kind of pain that I was having tonight. But the different was, he was not beside me this time round.
Already been 3 days of not talking to him. Yeah 3 days. Just feel that he got so much things hiding from me. Just hate it. Kind of develop a fear in me about him.
Headache
I having this headache that hurts so much. I think this is due to stress. My head is like so heavy and painful. Trying to do my study question for the Leading subject, I simply cant understand the question or just cant squeeze anything out from my brain and now the headache is even worst. I just feel like cutting my whole head off.
I dont know what is wrong with me, brushing my teeth also will bleed. Even going to the toliet, there is blood too. Is there anything wrong with me. And more worst I am having these fainting spells these days.
I got so many things on hand that is going to due soon esp there is one assignment that is 30%, I just cant make myself start on it, there so much things on my mind. Why just he cant understand that I need him so badly. Maybe I just no one to him that why he just dont understand or he understand but he just dont want to let me hold on to him.
I think I just let it be and dont hand in the assignment cos I just cant do it.
Isolation
I feel so alone. I feel I am in isolation. I feel I am under depression. I been crying the whole day. What is happening to me? I just hate the myself so much now!
He cant even be bother with me now that he is back in Singapore, I just know that. He dont even feel like coming back that why keep on giving me excuses that he got lots of things to do. People go back for funeral will return in 5 days. He? Go back for funeral only willing to come back after 10 or so days!
Here I am feeling so sad and bad that I cant be with him at this moment when I thought he needs me to be with him but I think he dont needs me after all since he got so many women besides him. I feel so sad and dissappointed when I saw his mail box. My heart sunk at that very moment. He just love to flirt with other women so much. I think he wont even feel anything when I am gone from his life from now on. That why he din even bother to call me after we quarrelled this morning. Last time he will still call when I says I will never pick his call, now he just cant be bother since I says I wont pick up. I am no one to him anymore that why again and again he just go ahead knowing and flirting with other women.
Feel so Different
Feeling so different in Brissy alone. Feeling so down since morning, even when I was out with Wang Xin. Even Wang Xin says I look so down etc.
Darling told me that his granny passed away this morning when I called him. I was kind of sad cos his granny was quite good to me althought we didnt have much to talk due to language problem. But she was always smiling at me when I go over to darling's place. I cant imagine that I would never see her again the next time I go over to his place.
I feel so bad that I am not beside darling now. I know he needs someone by his side now but arghhh I am stuck in Brissy!!!
Sad
Been a long time since I blog, and I never expect that I be blogging this kind of sad stuff today.
Darling gone back to Singapore cos his granny is in critical conditions. How I wish I could go back with him this morning. I feeling kind of lost without him esp at this very moment. My heart is feeling strange or is it aching?
Not sure how long could his granny hold on till, she seem to be in a pretty serious condition. Just hate it that I cant be with him at this moment when he needed someone to hold on to.
