Safe Comfort Zone
This morning as I got into the car, I saw a strange mark on Kel's neck, it looked like a love bite but he said its not. Basically I just not sure if I should trust his words after so much has happened. And I just dont want to get into another quarrel with him and dont wish to tell him anything that I not happy with. I just too tired and sianz to tell him what bothers me since yesterday night. Everytime when I tell him the pros between us, I would just feel I might just as well kill myself than to tell him anything. So right now I just want to stay at my safe comfort zone without hurting myself.Back to the mark on Kel's neck, I didnt said anything much and was really surprise that I didnt make a fuss on it, I just kept quiet, turn my head aways and just cried quietly. He saw me cried and kept on saying he didnt do anything unfaithful but I just cant take in that maybe he did too much wrong in the past. Thruout the whole day, I just kept crying on and off esp in the car. At times, I just not sure why I can still take it. Later that night, when I got home I called his mum to verify if he did anything anot. I trust him mum I suppose but how much can I really trust Kel, that I dont know. Maybe it just a rush or mosquito bite.
We didnt talked much on this during the daily night conversation, I just know I dont want to have another quarrel with him so I just told him that I will just keep everything to myself from now onwards, as long as I dont see and dont know, I dont care. Even for the changes that I told him about, he want he change, if he dont want just leave it as it is then. Since I dont feel any closeness to him at all, we were not intimate enough to have that kind closeness I need, so I will never be able to open up to him. I just want to stay in my safe comfort zone.
Happier Note for Today
I finally have stable internet connection after a year of unstable connection. Kel got himself a job with a quite good salary, so he applied the internet for me so that I could surf the net in comfort and also to find and apply jobs more easily.
I found my fav drink "Boost" today at Vivo City, felt happier when I saw that. It is my fav drink in Aussie. This is the first branch in SG :) Hope they will open more branch soon at some where nearer to me.
posted by Tritri @ 10:37:00 PM
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