What cant he just give me some assurance?
Last night, I think I really had a bad night with him. Broke off was the conclusion. I am sad but why there are no tears coming out? I think my tears is all use up the last few days and now even when I am so sad, I cant express anymore. I want to be able to cry out, yes cry out now but I cant, I feel so miserable.I never knew he would makes me sad till this point, I thought he would never be the one who do this. I thought he love me more than anything, wouldnt want to lose me to anything else. I thought he was the one for me this life even any other life that we will be having. It really breaks my heart. My heart is so pain now, hurts alot alot alot. Nothing could describe the pain.
Slept at 3 am in the morning, woke up at 6.30 in the morning, left my hse at 7.35am for class. I thought he would be up early, I wanna to see him waiting there for me when I go downstairs but disappointment instead cos he was still sleeping I suppose. He let me feel that he really want a normal friends relation, cos he only called twice and even when I sent him sms, his reply was like just to normal friends or just simply dont reply me at all. Asked him why, all he answered was I just dont want to quarrel again. He simply just love to says that we are quarrelling even when we are not. Damm it damm pek chek with that sentence else he would be saying I am so tired etc why go thru this stuffs again. If he dont want to go thru then why keep on forcing me? Dont he think being normal friends would be better then in this case?
Went to uni with a very heavy heart, I was like a zombie the whole morning, cant even concentrate on my lectures so decided to skip one instead of forcing myself the sit there where my heart is just wondering around.
Back home, he was there working on the ADSL trying to make it works. I just lied on my bed looking at him, I really love him so much. I dont want to leave him but when I am trying to be serious with him, trying to talk to him on the promise, he just give me that kind of face where you will doubt he will keep the promise and try to work on it. I just need to assurance in this.
After lunch, back at home, I went to his room for the last time to see if he will be serious but no and guess what he says, what there to talk about, we had already talked for so many times why keep on talking on it? Why? Because you never give me your assurance at all that you would keep to what you have says and promise. That why! I just hate you trying to be funny even when we are having serious talk. I really need your assurance! This is so simple yet you cant give. How can I ever trust and believe you? You ask me to give in give you some time, I finally try to give in yet this is how you treat me and replied me.
Feeling more sad than ever, why are you always like that. Why cant you give me the assurance I need so much, I've already give in so much.
I think he just trying to play with me, when I give in, he feel like he had succeed and win the game. Just like it is telling him, I cant leave without him and so he can do whatever he wants and cant be bother with my feeling at all. He can do anything he like even if he hurts me cos I will still give in to him in the end.
posted by Tritri @ 1:29:00 PM
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