Depression
I been real sad for the past two days, and I got no one to talk to apart from telling you my dear blog. Lucky there isnt anyone looking at this blog.Been crying for the past 2 days, I think my eyes are abit swollen. I been thru hell I guess. Caught him calling up a girl in the middle of the night at 3 plus. My heart was like broken into thousands and thousands of pieces, now I trying so hard to glue them back together, but that isnt so easy esp when he told you he was calling a campmate, and then you know it was a girl instead. More to come was, instead of chasing after me, he called the girl immediately after I storm out not for one time but twice. I wasnt so sad that he called a girl in the middle of the night, I wasnt so hurt when he told me that was a campmate but found out it was a girl instead but I was real sad by the fact that he never bother to chase after me when I stormed out of his room 3 times, and called the girl immediately after I stormed out of the room. I really cant take it. I drove out of the house at like 5 am in the morning, roaming around not knowing what to do and where to go. I was so lost. Keep on crying and crying, that I cant even see the road clearly.
With no where to go, I stopped myself at Wang Xin's place, the only place I could go. When I saw her, I just hug her and cried non-stop. I think I started to be a Baby again. Back to my depression just like the first semester I was here. He actually broke my heart so badly this time round. My heart hurts so much.
Back at home by afternoon, we quarrelled for like till 7 pm with me like trying to tell myself what had happened. That was hard I suppose real hard cos till now I was still crying and heart still bleeding.
With that matter trying to get over, he told me another news that I cant stop him or say no cos I got no choice but to give in to this. I feel real hard but do I have a choice? No I suppose. He was actually smoking, he says that was due to stress. I am also so stress maybe I should try one of these days too if that is so effective for him. Nearly broke up with him, nearly force myself to give him up, but I just cant, cos I love him so much. Am I wrong to love him so much?
I relise now I am no in any position to do anything to stop him. I feel so scare to get angry, to get sad even to cry in front of him. So I just bottled up everything. Why am I in this bad state? I dont know really dont know. Wanna talk to my sis so much but can I? I suppose I cant tell her what happen right? If I tell her, I think she would tell my parents about what had happen and that it. I know my parents will never bear to see me crying everyday and will think they made the wrong choice by letting me come over to Brissy to study.
I not sure what had I become to. I just know I cant stop crying even now typing this I am crying where I cant even see clearly what am I typing. My heart is just bleeding so much till it hurts alot alot alot. I miss my family so much, I want to go back to Singapore. But I am always left with no choice these days.
posted by Tritri @ 7:52:00 AM
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