Wide Awake
I have been losing my sleep these days, everyday I slp like less than 4 hours :( Just like right now, it's only 4 plus in the morning and I am wide awake.There are just so much things in me that I felt it is overflowing and isnt any more space to fill it with new things.
More stress will be coming today as new event is starting today :(
Why are there so many things I have to think about?
Kel wasnt helping me much too by adding more quarrels and not being a understanding bf on top of my already overstress and pressure condition. Sometimes, I just hope and wish why cant Kel treat me the same like 5 years ago when we were just started out? Why cant he be the sweet old Kel? Last time, I enjoyed every moment with him, started missing him the moment I'm not with him. Why cant things be the same? Then now, we wouldnt have so much problems and keep on quarrelling. Is it when a relation staying at a stage for too long, and didnt proceed on to next stage, it will get sour? He's just different from the guy 5 years ago. Now he just wanna to show who is the boss? I am sad, yeah I am really am. Even the thought of marrying him is drifting further and further away cos I am just too afraid to commit. I no longer can see the future, building a family together and us getting old together. These thoughts are just further and further away till I just want to shut them out now. You know, at times when I looked at him, be it in the car or he's slping in his room/car, my tears would suddenly flow down and I just turned away before he saw that. I just so sad that he changed so much. I just want my old Kel back. Is that too much to ask for?
These days, I really do cry alot cos I just cant take it anymore. At times, I can just out of sudden be crying when I reached home, close my room door. Am I going into depression again like I am back in Aust, the very first semester with my cousin? I am worried about myself, I need Kel to help me with this but right now I think that's so hard isnt it?
All I want is just to relax and enjoy my time without having to think of all the problems I am having.
posted by Tritri @ 4:09:00 AM
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